Ten points to consider before you choose him/her

The way we choose or decide to love is what actually leads us into loving the right or wrong person. You will most likely end up with the wrong choice of spouse if you make the following errors:

Error # 1: You expect him/her to change after you are married.

This is a classic dating mistake. Never marry without fully accepting your spouse. The cardinal rule is that if you cannot fully accept, and be happy with the person the way they are right now, then do not get married.

Error #2: you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire of passion, but good character keeps it burning .4 character traits to look out for: humility, kindness, responsibility and kindness. They should be accepting of you, treat other people well, be dependable and enjoy life in general.

Error # 3: the person does not understand what a mate needs most

Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just does not “get it”. The unique need of a woman is to be loved-to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.

Error #4: you do not share a common life, goals and priorities

There are three basic ways we connect with another person: chemistry and compatibility, connection by sharing common interests and through sharing a common life goal. To avoid ending up with the wrong person, make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provides. Figure out what you are living for when you are still single and the find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. A good partner is a goal mate.

Error #5: you get sexually involved too quickly

Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one’s mind hence one cannot make sound judgment. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a big reason why people divorce. It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible.

Error# 6: you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person

To evaluate whether you have a deep emotional connection or not, ask, “Do I respect and admire this person?” .This does not mean “am I impressed by this person?” An expensive car impresses us; we do not, however, respect someone because he/she owns an expensive car. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty and determination. Also, ask, “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on them?”

Error# 7: you choose someone with whom you do not feel emotionally safe

Ask yourself the following questions: “do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself, and express myself with this person?” If you are afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there is a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you do not feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behavior is a sign of an abusive person. Be on the lookout for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between controlling and making suggestions. A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.

Error #8: you do not put everything on the table

Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will of course arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment whether you can resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you. Never be afraid to let the other person know what bothers you.

Error # 9: you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness

If you are unhappy and single, you will probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will soon aggravate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You will feel better and your future spouse will thank you.

Error # 10: you pick a person who is on the rebound

To be “on the rebound” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who has not detached fully from their ex is on the rebound. People can be on the rebound with things such as drugs, alcohol; porn etc. be careful that you and your partner are free of any other emotional attachments. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully available to you emotionally.

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